I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
