Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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