Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
