I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Randomize
