I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
