How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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