Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
