The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize