It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
