there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
