I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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