I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
You smell like stripper and shame
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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