4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
they're like a gay fantastic four
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
