I wanna bring you to show and tell
They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
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