Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize