Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
