I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
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