well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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