So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
