battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
