your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
