Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize