why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
