if i can run in heels then i can drive
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Randomize
