um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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