I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Randomize
