apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
