whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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