he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
