Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
