You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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