They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
