I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
