i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
the liver wants what the liver wants
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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