Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
