I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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