Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
dude. I can hear the air.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
