I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
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