It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize
