He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
