Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
how drunk are you?
Several
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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