I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
