Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Randomize
