maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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