ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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