im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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