You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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