you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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