After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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