Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Four minutes until I can fart!
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
