You were right. It hurts to walk today.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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