I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
