There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize