What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
