Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
