Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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