as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
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