I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I am available for nakedness
Randomize
