still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
