exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Randomize
