best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
