Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
The uberlube is also flammable
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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