Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
