yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
