I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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