I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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