what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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