He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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