She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
