Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Randomize
