I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
