dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Sorry about my life...
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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