You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
