I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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