only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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