did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
