i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
My pussy is not your playground.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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