her vagine was all disorganized.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
