Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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