Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
