So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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