So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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