fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
