Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
