Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
