i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
