Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
