Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
