Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
