i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
