I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
My ass is underappreciated
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
